When Grief Becomes Unhealthy

Unhealthy Grief: What It Looks Like and How to Get Help

Losing someone you love is one of life’s most difficult experiences. Grief is the natural response to loss, and while it can be painful, it also plays a role in helping us heal. Over time, most people gradually adapt to their “new normal.” The sharp edges of grief may soften, and memories of the person shift from overwhelming sorrow to cherished reflection.

But what happens when grief doesn’t ease with time? What if the pain stays as raw as it was in the beginning or even intensifies? This is when grief can become unhealthy or complicated. Recognizing the difference between natural grieving and unresolved, harmful grief is critical for emotional and physical well-being.

What Is Unhealthy Grief?

Unhealthy grief, sometimes called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder, is when the natural healing process stalls. While it’s normal to experience sadness, anger, guilt, and fatigue after a loss, most people begin to adjust gradually. They may still miss their loved one deeply, but they find ways to function, reconnect with life, and rediscover meaning.

With unhealthy grief, that adjustment doesn’t happen. Instead, the mourner feels stuck in a cycle of longing, pain, or avoidance. Months or even years after the loss, the grief feels just as fresh as day one. Daily life, relationships, and work may all be disrupted. Importantly, this doesn’t mean someone is “failing” at grieving; it simply signals that the loss has created wounds too deep to heal without additional support.

Signs of Unhealthy or Complicated Grief

How can you tell whether grief is following its natural course or has shifted into something more concerning? Here are common signs:

• Persistent, intense yearning for the deceased that doesn’t lessen with time.

• Preoccupation with the loss, replaying “what ifs” or memories on a loop.

• Avoidance of reminders—refusing to visit familiar places, touch belongings, or talk about the person.

• Inability to function normally—struggling at work, withdrawing from social connections, or neglecting responsibilities.

• Unrelenting guilt or blame, whether directed inward (“I should’ve done more”) or outward (“It’s someone else’s fault”).

• Emotional numbness—feeling disconnected from people or activities that once mattered.

• Hopelessness or self-harm thoughts related to the loss.
  

While short bursts of these feelings can be normal early on, their persistence for many months or their severity can indicate unhealthy grief.

Common Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

When grief feels unbearable, it’s natural to want relief. But sometimes the coping strategies people turn to cause more harm than good:

• Substance use: Alcohol, drugs, or even prescription misuse may numb emotions temporarily, but often deepen depression and isolation.

• Overworking: Throwing oneself into work to avoid emotions may delay healing, leading to burnout.

• Social withdrawal: Avoiding family or friends might feel protective, but it often worsens loneliness.

• Risk-taking behaviors: Reckless driving, overspending, or unsafe habits can serve as distractions but create additional stress and danger.
  

These patterns provide short-term distraction but prevent genuine healing.

Normal Grief vs. Unhealthy Grief

It helps to see the differences side by side.

Normal Grief

Unhealthy / Complicated Grief

Intense emotions early on that gradually soften with time

Intensity of emotions remains constant or worsens over time

A person is able to function (work, relationships) even if with difficulty

Daily functioning is severely impaired or impossible

Can think of the loved one with both sadness and fondness as months pass

Focus remains almost exclusively on the pain of the loss

Acceptance and adaptation occur over time

Feeling “stuck” in grief with little progress toward healing

This table highlights why recognizing unhealthy grief is so important it signals when extra support is necessary.

When Does Grief Become a Disorder?

In 2022, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) added Prolonged Grief Disorder to its diagnostic manual. This condition describes grief lasting more than 12 months (or six months for children) that causes significant disruption to life.

That doesn’t mean grief has an “expiration date.” Everyone heals at a different pace. But when grief prevents you from returning to daily routines, enjoying life, or feeling connected to others, it may meet the threshold for clinical intervention.

The Health Impact of Unresolved Grief

Unhealthy grief isn’t just emotional; it also takes a physical toll. Studies show prolonged grief can trigger:

• Cardiovascular strain: Higher risk of high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, and even heart disease.

• Weakened immune system: Making you more vulnerable to colds, infections, and slower recovery.

• Digestive issues: Stomach aches, nausea, or changes in appetite.

• Sleep disturbances: Insomnia, frequent waking, or nightmares.

• Chronic stress responses: Increased cortisol (stress hormone) levels, leading to anxiety and depression.
  

This “mind-body” connection means untreated grief can silently erode long-term health.

Why Some Grief Becomes Unhealthy

Not everyone develops complicated grief. Some factors increase the risk:

• Sudden or traumatic loss (such as accidents, suicide, or natural disasters).

• Very close relationships, such as losing a child or life partner.

• Previous mental health challenges, including depression or anxiety.

• Lack of social support, leaving the mourner isolated.

• Unresolved issues with the deceased, such as conflicts or guilt.
  

These factors don’t guarantee unhealthy grief, but they can make it harder for the natural grieving process to unfold.

How Grief Therapy Helps

Grief therapy offers tools, support, and structured healing for those stuck in complicated grief. A therapist can help you:

• Process unresolved emotions: Talking through guilt, anger, or regrets in a safe space.

• Develop healthy coping skills: Learning techniques like mindfulness, journaling, or grounding exercises to manage overwhelming emotions.

• Rebuild life routines: Gradually reintroducing meaning, purpose, and social connection.

• Honor your loved one: Creating rituals or practices that allow ongoing connection while still moving forward.
  

Therapy doesn’t erase grief; it helps you carry it in a way that doesn’t crush your ability to live fully.

When to Seek Help

Reaching out for grief counseling isn’t about being weak; it’s about being proactive. Consider professional support if:

• Your grief hasn’t eased after many months.

• You feel unable to function at work or in relationships.

• You avoid people or places connected to your loved one.

• You rely on substances or unhealthy habits to cope.

• You feel life has lost meaning, or have thoughts of self-harm.
  

Getting help early can prevent grief from spiraling into deeper health or mental challenges.

Wrapping It Up

Grief is never easy, and there’s no single timeline for healing. But when sorrow becomes overwhelming, persistent, and disruptive, it may have crossed into unhealthy grief. Recognizing the difference allows you to seek the right kind of help and support that validates your pain while guiding you toward recovery.

Unhealthy grief is not a personal failure. It’s a sign that you need extra support to move forward. With therapy and compassionate care, it’s possible to process loss, rediscover meaning, and continue honoring your loved one while building a fulfilling life.

If you recognize yourself in these signs of complicated grief, you don’t have to face it alone. Wellman Psychology’s Grief Counselling Chicago IL, provides compassionate, evidence-based support to help you navigate loss and regain balance. Book an appointment today and take the first step toward healing, resilience, and hope.

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Find out more articles that can help you below:

• How Much Does Grief Counseling Cost

• What Happens in Grief Counseling

• What Is Grief Counseling Like

• How to Facilitate a Grief Support Group

What Is Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy

What’s the Difference Between Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy?

Grief is a universal human experience, yet it feels deeply personal and overwhelming when it happens to us. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or another kind of major life change, the loss leaves behind a void that isn’t easy to process. This is why so many people ask: “What is grief counselling and grief therapy, and how can these approaches help me heal?”

While grief is natural, it can sometimes feel unbearable. For some, support from family and friends is enough. For others, professional help through grief counselling or grief therapy becomes essential. Though the two terms sound similar, they serve different purposes. Understanding how they differ can guide you toward the type of support you need most.

What Is Grief Counselling?

Grief counselling is designed to help people cope with the normal process of grieving. It is often short-term and focused on providing emotional support and practical tools to navigate life after a loss.

A grief counsellor creates a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can talk openly about your feelings, whether that’s sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. Many people find that simply having someone to listen, validate their emotions, and reassure them that their grief is natural is profoundly healing.

Some of the main goals of grief counselling include:

• Normalizing the experience: Grief can make you feel like you’re “losing control.” A counsellor helps you see that your emotions are part of a natural process.

• Teaching coping strategies: Simple practices such as journaling, breathing exercises, or mindfulness can make grief more manageable.

• Providing structure: Having regular sessions gives people something to hold onto when life feels chaotic.

• Encouraging healthy outlets: Instead of suppressing grief, counselling helps channel it into positive actions, like creating memory rituals or joining support groups.
  
  

Grief counselling is best suited for those experiencing typical bereavement, where the sadness is painful but doesn’t completely disrupt daily functioning.

What Is Grief Therapy?

Grief therapy, by contrast, is a more intensive form of treatment designed for people experiencing complicated or prolonged grief. Sometimes grief does not ease with time; instead, it deepens or lingers, interfering with work, relationships, or even physical health.

A grief therapist is usually a licensed psychologist or psychotherapist trained to help clients unpack more complex emotions. Therapy often goes beyond providing comfort; it seeks to resolve underlying issues and rebuild the ability to live a fulfilling life.

Signs you may need grief therapy include:

• Feeling “stuck” in grief months or even years after a loss.

• Avoiding reminders of the person or situation to the point that it disrupts daily life.

• Intense guilt or anger that doesn’t fade.

• Developing anxiety, depression, or insomnia is directly tied to grief.

• Loss of interest in everyday activities and relationships.
  
  

Grief therapy may involve techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to reframe negative thoughts, trauma-focused approaches if the loss was sudden, or even guided exercises to help resolve “unfinished conversations” with the person lost.

In short, while grief counselling helps you manage normal grief, grief therapy helps you heal when grief becomes overwhelming or complicated.

Key Differences Between Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy

To make the distinction clearer, think of grief counselling as short-term emotional support and grief therapy as long-term psychological treatment.

• Grief Counselling: Best for natural grieving, offering tools, coping mechanisms, and reassurance.
  
  

• Grief Therapy: Best for complicated or prolonged grief, offering clinical techniques to restore balance.
  
  

Another way to look at it: counselling is like first aid for the heart, while therapy is specialized care for deeper wounds.

The Benefits of Grief Counselling

Even when grief is “normal,” the benefits of counselling can be transformative. People who attend counselling often report:

• Feeling less isolated: Having someone listen without judgment can ease the loneliness of loss.

• Greater emotional understanding: Talking through grief helps you recognize your triggers and responses.

• Practical coping skills: You’ll learn techniques that can calm overwhelming emotions when they strike.

• Validation of grief: Hearing “what you’re going through is normal” can be incredibly comforting.
  
  

For many, grief counselling shortens the most intense phases of grieving and provides hope that life can eventually feel meaningful again.

The Benefits of Grief Therapy

Grief therapy goes a step further. It’s not just about talking, it’s about untangling complex emotions that prevent healing. Benefits include:

• Addressing unresolved trauma: Especially important if the loss was sudden, violent, or unexpected.

• Restoring daily functioning: Therapy helps you get back to routines, work, and social connections.

• Preventing long-term complications: Complicated grief, if untreated, can evolve into depression or other conditions.

• Reframing meaning: Therapy helps people process loss while also discovering new ways to find joy and purpose in life.
  
  

For those whose grief feels never-ending, therapy can provide a structured path back to emotional balance.

What to Expect in Sessions

A common question is, “What actually happens in a session?” While each professional has their own approach, here’s what you can typically expect:

• In grief counselling, sessions are often conversational. You’ll talk about your loved one, share feelings, and explore coping strategies. Your counsellor may recommend journaling or mindfulness practices between sessions.
  
  

• In grief therapy, sessions are more structured. The therapist may use evidence-based tools like CBT or trauma processing techniques. You may be guided through memory work, visualization, or exercises that help address unresolved guilt or fear.
  
  

Both approaches aim to help you process grief in a way that feels supportive and constructive.

When Should You Seek Help?

There’s no “wrong” time to seek grief support. Some people benefit from counselling soon after a loss, while others turn to therapy months later when grief hasn’t eased.

Here are some guidelines:

• If you’re coping but want extra support, start with counselling.

• If grief feels overwhelming, persistent, or is interfering with your ability to function, seek therapy.
  
  

The most important thing to remember is that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Final Thoughts

Grief counselling and grief therapy share the same goal: to help people navigate the painful journey of loss. Counselling offers short-term support and coping strategies, while therapy provides deeper, long-term healing for complicated grief. Both are valuable depending on your needs, and both can help you move from despair toward hope.

If you’re struggling with loss and wondering which path is right for you, Wellman Psychology offers both grief counselling and grief therapy in Chicago, IL. Our compassionate team will meet you where you are, whether you need emotional guidance or deeper therapeutic support. Contact us today to book an appointment and take your first step toward healing.

Feel free to check out our social media links below:

• Facebook 

• Instagram

• Twitter

• GMB

Find out more articles that can help you below:

• How Much Does Grief Counseling Cost

• What Happens in Grief Counseling

• What Is Grief Counseling Like

• How Do I Know If I Need Grief Counseling

• How to Deal With the Grief of Losing a Parent