A very real and dominant societal discourse of today clings to the idea of “challenge” or “being challenged.”

Many learn from an early age that challenge is an opportunity to grow; an opportunity to embrace and confront difficulties head on. As kids, we willingly participate in sports, spelling b’s, races, and school plays—all framed as new challenges that build character and follow-through.

Common phrases such as “stick it out,” “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “find the silver lining,” “don’t quit,” “challenge accepted,” “are you ready…?,” pervade media, popular culture, our families, communities and our workplaces. We are constantly hearing and interacting with this message that facing challenge is a strength, and the ultimate goal.

Consequently, “facing” challenge becomes an expected norm. And, thus, we behave accordingly. In moments of challenge, the urge to fight, stand up to, confront, and/or problem solve is activated.

But, at what cost…?

Contrary to popular belief, challenge is far from “black and white.” Abuse, trauma, bullying, violence, loss, sickness—these are all situations of grave challenge… yet “facing” these come at different costs—and it’s important to consider the gray…

Challenge is not binary: it’s not that you’re either strong and you confront challenge, or you’re weak and you run from it. And simplifying challenge poses a great risk to those who face challenge with real consequence and danger.

Sometimes facing challenge is choosing to walk away; to protect yourself.

Sometimes facing challenge is getting people involved who can help you.

Sometimes facing challenge is staying quiet.

Sometimes facing challenge is blending in for solidarity.

Challenge is multifaceted and greatly layered. Every challenge is unique, context dependent, and highly personal. Thus, there’s no one right way to handle it.

Don’t hold yourself to unfair, harmful standards just because society tells you it’s the right way…

Instead, pivot left.